You heard me. After many moons of an egg-less life, tonight I sat down with a bowl of golden goodness and shovelled it into my mouth like it was the good old days, when ordering Chinese takeaway didn’t give me a crisis of ethics. This time round however, there was no morality hangover. Just 21 grams of protein and a feeling of immense satisfaction. No more feeling pissed oeuf about missing out on one of my old comfort food favourites (forgive for that one).
So the one thing you’re gonna need for this that makes the whole dish is Indian Black Salt, also known as Kala Namak- it smells and tastes eggy af, and you can find it in pretty much any Indian/ South Asian supermarket (and if not, that’s what Amazon is for). Make sure you buy this before you attempt this recipe, because if not it’s like making peanut butter on toast without the toast. It’s gonna be a gross mess and you’ll just be disappointed. So don’t do that.
150g Firm Tofu
50g Brown Rice (raw weight, not cooked- sub for any rice you like if this isn’t your jam.)
7mls Sesame Oil
6g Tapioca Starch/ Cornflour
1/4tsp Ground Turmeric (note: this is entirely for aesthetic, to make your tofu an eggy, yellow colour. If you’re down with pale eggs or just lacking in turmeric, by all means omit.)
1/4-1/2tsp Black Salt (adjust depending on how eggy you like your fried rice- I didn’t fancy it too strong so I stuck to 1/4tsp, but if you do so and it isn’t strong enough, you can always sprinkle a little more on top once cooked.)
1/2tsp Sea Salt
1. Weigh, rinse and set your rice to boil for 26 minutes, reducing to a medium heat about 3/4 way through. In the mean time, drain and set to pressing your tofu for 20 minutes.
2. In the meantime, put your tapioca starch, turmeric, black salt and sea salt in a sandwich bag, seal the top and shake until thoroughly mixed. Set aside.
3. Once your tofu is pressed, rake it into bits with a fork or just squish it with your hands (the latter is more satisfying) until it is in small, egg-like pieces. Chuck the tofu into your sandwich bag, seal, and shake until all the dry ingredients have coated the tofu.
4. Drain your rice and rinse in cold water, I find this helps to remove some of the stickiness that comes from frying freshly-boiled rice (note: if you have the time, refrigerate your rice until cold before cooking it as is the traditional way to do rice. I do not have this kind of time when it comes to making dinner for just myself.)
5. Throw your rice, tofu and sesame oil in a frying pain over a medium-high heat. In order to not break up the tofu any more than desired, regularly flip the rice and tofu with a spatula instead of poking it around. Fry until the tofu is slightly crispy and golden brown in parts, and serve immediately. Serves 1, because how better to eggspress your love to yourself? (I’m not even sorry for that one, fight me.)